Where the rubber meets the pavement

Ever since environmentalism became a shibboleth of the left, and therefore the Democrats, I have wondered how they would react when the time came to reconcile their actions with their purported beliefs. It appears I will not have to wonder much beyond the DNC in Denver this summer:

Caterers find eco-standards tough to chew

Fried shrimp on a bed of jasmine rice and a side of mango salad, all served on a styrofoam plate. Bottled water to wash it all down.

These trendy catering treats are unlikely to appear on the menu at parties sponsored by the Denver 2008 Host Committee during the Democratic National Convention this summer.

Fried foods are forbidden at the committee's 22 or so events, as is liquid served in individual plastic containers. Plates must be reusable, like china, recyclable or compostable. The food should be local, organic or both.

How are we ever going to make the shift from fossil fuel to vegetable oil power if fried food is forbidden? That's a serious question I keep meaning to ask somebody with a "powered by vegetable oil" sticker proudly displayed on their bumper.

And caterers must provide foods in "at least three of the following five colors: red, green, yellow, blue/purple, and white," garnishes not included, according to a Request for Proposals, or RFP, distributed last week.

...All the pretty colors of the rainbow.
Reading this far I was reminded of the first Burning Man theme camp planning meeting I attended a few years ago. We had settled on a genie-type theme and purchased a used golf cart we intended to turn into an art car. One of my camp mates proposed turning the golf cart into an elaborate motorized genie bottle and she had done some nice sketches to show us what she had in mind. We all agreed that it looked great, then somebody asked her for a list of materials and a rough outline of the building plan so we could get started. Her confusion over the question turned to slight irritation when she realized that not only did she not have any specs, we weren't going to do it all for her. The vision quickly turned to dust.
I imagine the person who was tasked with creating the DNC catering RFP is similar to my idealistic camp mate that year.

The shrimp-and-mango ensemble? All it's got is white, brown and orange, so it may not have the nutritional balance that generally comes from a multihued menu.

"Blue could be a challenge," joked Ed Janos, owner of Cook's Fresh Market in Denver. "All I can think of are blueberries."

Ed nails it. Blueberries being the only exception that immediately springs to mind, every first year culinary student knows that putting blue on a plate is a cardinal sin.

Caterers praise the committee and the city for their green ambitions, but some say they're baffled by parts of the RFP.

"I think it's a great idea for our community and our environment. The question is, how practical is it?" asks Nick Agro, the owner of Whirled Peas Catering in Commerce City. "We all want to source locally, but we're in Colorado. The growing season is short. It's dry here. And I question the feasibility of that."

Agro's biggest worry is price. Using organic and local products hikes the costs.

"There is going to be sticker shock when those bids start coming in," he says. "I'll cook anything, but I've had clients who have approached me about all-organic menus, and then they see the organic stuff pretty much doubles your price."

Mr. Agro,

Please resist the urge to use words like "practical" and "feasibility", for they have no meaning in the eco-lexicon. Just make it happen, and if you're not prepared to put the good of our planet above your personal profits, we will find somebody that does.

Signed, DNC

P.S. we've noted your propensity to question authority, and we're not happy, but we'll address your insouciance after the convention.

The document, which applies only to the host committee's parties, came after months of work that involved discussions with caterers and event planners along the Front Range, says Parry Burnap, Denver's "greening" director.

Months of work filled by many, many hours spent in committee and sub-committee meetings to come up with the RFP. There's nothing bureaucracy loves more than more bureaucracy.

Thousands of other parties hosted by corporations, lobbying groups, individuals, nonprofits and more will happen in Denver during the convention, Burnap says. None of them is subject to the committee's green agenda.

The committee's effort to host eco-friendly events, she says, hinges on its determination not just to put on a smart convention but to transform Denver into a top-shelf green city.

What's a law without a gaping loophole afterall? I hope somebody keeps score of all the non-conforming parties that take place and who hosted them.

"We are hoping that everything we are doing for greening (the convention) has some legacy value," she says.

The RFP, for example, will likely live on after the convention in a brochure the city will distribute widely to help guide local businesses interested in improving their green practices.

It will have legacy value alright. My guess is that the DNC will host a small handful of perfectly "eco-friendly" parties and showcase them as the rule rather than the exception.

Burnap says taking the organic and local route may be more costly, but the committee thinks caterers will find ways to comply and still make a profit.

"It takes some creativity because some of these things are more expensive," she says. "But we're at the front end of a market shift."

One of two things will happen. The caterers will sacrifice a large percentage of their profit margin and "make it happen" for the "greater good" or they will cheat and charge organic prices for non-organic products. Most people are not able to tell when a filet mignon has been replaced with an "eye of round" which is a much cheaper cut of meat, for example. Who will be able to tell if the avocados used in the guacamole are organic or not? Catering is hard work fraught with unforeseen hassles and much pressure in order to put out a quality product that the clients are unlikely to even fully appreciate. I would be shocked if any caterer that was not independently wealthy would sacrifice any part of their already slim profit margin. Cheating would be far easier, especially when the theme is all a pose in the first place.

Joanne Katz, owner of Three Tomatoes Catering in Denver, cheers the committee's environmental aspirations and is eager to get involved with the convention, but she wonders if some of the choices the committee is making are really green.

Compostable products, such as forks and knives made from corn starch, are often imported from Asia, delivered to the U.S. in fuel-consuming ships. But some U.S. products are made from recyclable pressed paper. Which decision is more environmentally sound?

"Customers are beginning to demand these things, and we don't have all of the information," she says. "And we are doing the best we can, one project at a time."

Ms. Katz,

Your wondering is troubling. We will deal with you after the convention, too.

Signed, DNC

Burnap acknowledged that figuring out what is most green can be difficult.

"Maybe in 20 years, there will be better analysis for us to make better choices," she says. "One we are talking about now is, is it better to compost or to recycle? If you are using a cup for a beverage, is it better to be (plastic) and back in the materials stream, or compostable, biodegradable waste and go into the waste stream or compost? There are no definitive answers."

Composting for the convention hasn't been entirely figured out yet, she says.

What a wonderful nation we live in; where the greatest problem of the moment seems to be whether it is better to compost or to recycle? I wonder what a typhoon survivor in Burma, or an earthquake survivor in China, or a Darfur refugee, or, or, or--thinks is the biggest problem of the day?

The committee is working with other groups to develop a carbon-footprint "calculator" that will measure the environmental impact of each event and suggest an "offset" — a fee — that will go toward a fund helping to match carbon losses with carbon gains.

"That's a fun one," Burnap says. "If these event planners will calculate and offset, it will start to get the money flowing into the Colorado Carbon Fund, a fund that will reinvest in renewable energy here in Colorado."

Whoooopppieeeee! Boy I know nothing gets my motor revved quite like carbon-footprint calculations. Next up, a self-administered root canal sans novicane!

I hope they don't plan on encouraging people to walk around Denver during the convention, since it has been proven in the U.K. that walking kills the planet.

The only advice I can give to the caterers of Denver is to get all of your money up front, in cash.