What Would the McKenzie Brothers Think, eh?

Is nothing sacred?

Study: Canadian Beer Drinkers Threaten Planet

Scientists have found a new threat to the planet: Canadian beer drinkers.

The government-commissioned study says the old, inefficient "beer fridges" that one in three Canadian households use to store their Molson and Labatt's contribute significantly to global warming by guzzling gas- and coal-fired electricity.

Why are they picking on Molson and Labatt's-- just because they're the biggest? There are several other brands of beer brewed in Canada that are just as likely to be found in the beer-fridge, and therefore guilty of contributing to global warming.

One in three households still use these old, inefficient contraptions. The article fails to mention the remaining two in three households have either placed them in the front yard where they form the centerpiece of the weed garden, or they're out back leaching lead and rust into the water table and freon into the atmosphere.

"People need to understand the impact of their lifestyles," British environmental consultant Joanna Yarrow tells New Scientist magazine. "Clearly the environmental implications of having a frivolous luxury like a beer fridge are not hitting home. This research helps inform people — let's hope it has an effect."

Frivolous luxury? Them is fightin' words! Funny coming from a Brit, too. Though generally served warmer and therefore environmentally friendly, U.K. liter per capita beer consumption is almost twice as high as it is in Canada.

The problem is that the beer fridges are mostly decades-old machines that began their second careers as beverage dispensers when Canadians upgraded to more energy-efficient models to store whatever Canadians eat besides doughnuts and poutine.

Ah, poutine. If Quebec had a national dish, it would be poutine. There's nothing better that a plate piled high with french fries, gravy and cheese curds after a long night of drinking a "two-four" of environmentally hostile suds.

University of Alberta researcher Denise Young, who led the study, suggests that provincial authorities hold beer-fridge buy-backs or round-ups to eliminate the threat — methods that Americans use to get guns off the streets.

It's not often that Canada looks to the USA for guidance, unless it's for an example of what not to do. I bet if the government funded a beer fridge buy-back program, it'd be just as successful as our gun buy-back program--that is, not very successful.

When beer-fridges are outlawed, only outlaws will have beer-fridges.